When The Best Help Is No Help: Hard Answers to Hard Questions About Helping an Addicted Child or Loved One (in English)
Synopsis "When The Best Help Is No Help: Hard Answers to Hard Questions About Helping an Addicted Child or Loved One (in English)"
This booklet, When The Best Help is No Help (widely known as The Yellow Book) came about following a talk my husband Dave gave on personal agency and accountability in November 2006, using our experiences with our son Brin.Brin gave his permission for the original talk, as well as an article that followed, and this book. He has also shared the book, as well as his experiences, with others in need.Is there one perfect solution? No. Does this book provide all the answers and make "everything" go away and life return to normal ? Unfortunately, no.Has it helped?Later that November we gave Aaron, the counselor who facilitates a weekly meeting for the parents for the parents and loved ones of addicts and alcoholics (which we still attend) a copy of the talk. Much of what we have learned comes from that group - sharing, supporting and grieving together - learning that we cannot save or fix our loved one no matter how much we may want to and/or try to.We had to learn that those who dig themselves into the trench are the ones who must make the hard choice, and do the hard work, to climb out! Only they, as they seek and turn their lives over to their higher power can achieve this.While you cannot fix them, IT IS possible to fix yourself starting with the coming to the vital and freeing realization that you did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. But, with effort, support, and understanding, you can become "UN-addicted" to your loved one! You must learn to fix yourself for your own health and your relationships with your many other loved ones and all the others that make up your world. And if there is good news in this, it is that there is help for you to overcome guilty, to refuse blame, to have a life aside from their situation - even to accept and love them in spite of what is going on in their life. Helpfully, this book will help!I, Gail, woke up in the middle of the night feeling Dave's talk needed to be formatted. I went to bed three hours later. I did not change any wording, just the visual presentation. That was in January 2007.We had six copies printed and gave them to people familiar with the disease and the toil it takes on everyone. One copy went to the psychologist who had been seeing Brin for several months during our frantic search for answers.We had copies printed, a few at a time, as they were requested. In December of 2009 we had our eighth printing which brought the total to 500.At that time we quit counting -- but not printing!The Yellow Book quickly took on a life of its own (and and continues to) without any formal advertising. Recently it was suggested that we extend its audience as an electronic book. We did not have any clue if 1) it was a good idea and 2) how to do it, so we tossed the idea out at the next weekly meeting, mentioned above. It was met with enthusiasm and ideas but no concrete information on the how of doing it.The very next week, an individual attending the group for the very first time, had just finished putting an e-book on-line. We do not believe in coincidences!
